Moving In Together

The time to move in with your spouse has finally come and you are nothing but excited, however, there are many things you need to discuss before taking this large step!  You have committed yourselves to each other “for richer for poorer” and “for better of for worse” but that does not mean living together is going to be easy.  It is imperative to stay positive and look to God for answers when you are feeling lost.

To help avoid any potential issues once you finally move in together, take some of these steps BEFORE you sign any paperwork:

  1. Have a discussion regarding what type of “home” you wish to live in!  So often, a couple, separately, begins looking for a place and then once you come together you realize that you are on two opposite ends of the spectrum.  To some it does not matter if you are in an apartment or traditional house, but some take this very seriously.  If you desire to live in an apartment with a doorman and 24/7 security and your spouse desires to live  in a stand alone house in the country with little to no neighbors in sight you are both going to be caught very off guard when you initially sit down to show each other what you found.   In order to avoid a disagreement later on, have this conversation first!
  2. Start looking early! When it comes to finding the “perfect” place to rent or your “dream” house to buy it takes time, as they say “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”  To avoid extra headaches when the home you are looking is unavailable, start early and discuss the option of signing for your new apartment or house before you plan to move in.  A lot of couples, who chose to live apart until after marriage, end up finding a place to live before the wedding and make a joint decision to rent the apartment or buy the house and slowly take time to move in.  If you do find your home before the big day, you can move everything in ahead of time and “go home” for the first time upon return for your honeymoon.
  3. Make a financial plan! Even though you make a vow to stay true to each other for “richer or for poorer,” the number one reason couples fight is because of money.  Before moving in together, and definitely before joining as one soul through Holy matrimony, you need to take the time to talk about your finances.  Not only will you need to do this to figure out how you will pay for rent and utilities, you also want to make sure any debt you have is transparent with your spouse.  If you determine your responsibilities when it comes to making new purchases and/or paying odd debt before making such a serious commitment you will be in a better place for it.
  4. Understand Expectations! This is another big one!  You need to have a candid discussion about what you expect out of your spouse.  Are you going to both contribute to household cleaning?  Is one person going to be responsible for grocery shopping?  Will you put attending Church before any other activity that comes up?  Do you have a backup plan if one of you becomes unable to work or contribute to the house?  You want to make sure you have a general understanding of your expectations of one another.
  5. Be Patient!  If you take away anything from this post, it should be the need for patience in any relationship.  As cliché people find 1 Corinthians it is so important to a relationship: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).  We must put our trust in the Lord that all will work out and live in the moment as patient followers.    
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  • justaddthat

    This is so true! My husband and I will be together 10 years this July. I personally think the first year is the hardest. Maybe the first 3. You have spent your whole lives living as you want and then suddenly you’re sharing everything! It isn’t because you don’t want to share. We love our spouses so much. That’s why we married them! But when you’re first married, there is a slight awkwardness and adjustment. Things that didn’t bother you single are suddenly huge deals married. But with God (and a whole lot of prayer), you can overcome anything. The reality is you just can’t give up and must keep trying. These were great tips. I hope other people will utilize them and save more marriages!

    • RiceRevelations

      I think that the awkwardness leads to many people getting frustrated which is not good for any relationship, especially a new marriage! I agree that we need a whole lot of prayer in order to make it through this first few years.

  • Dana

    Hello Rice Revelations!

    Thanks for the tips. I’ve been married for about 2 years and it’s still a challenge living with my husband and his 3 kids. I got married in my 40s and I’d always lived by myself with my own rules and way of doing things. My biggest struggle with living with 4 other people is that they all put things 4+ different ways, lol. Ugh But I wouldn’t give up being married to my One!

    Thanks a bunch!

    • RiceRevelations

      Dana I completely understand getting used to doing things a certain way and then having to adjust! Although I got married in my early 20’s going from college life to married life was a big adjustment. The important thing is to remember why you married your spouse to begin with and never stop communicating!

      Thanks for stopping by,
      Rebecca Rice

    • RiceRevelations

      Candy thank you for your kind words! Moving in together is a big commitment so it is crucial to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into!

    • RiceRevelations

      Clarice I believe that money is something people do not change with! The way someone manages money while your dating is going to be the same way they handle their money once married. Definitely something a couple needs to talk about before taking their relationship to the next level!

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